Affiliate Program

👾 Become an Unfitware Unfluencer™

Join the Affiliate Program 

Welcome to the official Unfitware™ Affiliate Program — a last-ditch attempt to monetize our collapse. If you’ve ever wanted to earn commissions while helping push ethically questionable products in a digitally dystopian world… well, you're probably overqualified to be here.

But we need you anyway.

🧷 What’s in It for You?

Besides the eternal void?

  • 15–25% Commission on every qualified sale.
  • Your Own Discount Code (finally, some power).
  • Access to Early Product Drops (before they’re banned).
  • Bonus Perks like fake titles, ironic certificates, and emotionally encrypted thank-you notes.

đź’” Why Are We Doing This?

We’re underqualified, overwhelmed, and wildly unprepared to scale this brand. But with your help, we can pretend we’re a real company while slowly spiraling into profitability.

⚠️ Who Should Join?

  • Burned-out creators
  • Collapse-core influencers
  • Unemployed philosophers
  • Meme lords
  • Content creators with a conscience (or none)

If you're tired of everything but still scrolling, you’re already one of us.