FAQ
Frequently Avoided Questions
What is Unfitware™?
A startup. Technically.
A brand? Barely.
A coping mechanism disguised as commerce? Now you’re getting it.
We sell stuff to people who are done pretending to be optimized.
So, like… what do you sell?
Emotional detachment, ceremonial sarcasm, and the tools to make your burnout feel sacred.
Also, physical things. But we’re still pretending it’s about the mission.
Are the products real?
We’re a real startup selling fake solutions to real feelings.
Or maybe fake feelings with real packaging. Either way, yes. You can buy them.
Is Unfitware™ a joke?
Yes. But like your job title, it became real when we put it on a deck.
Why doesn’t the product always look exactly like the image?
Unfitware uses AI-generated mockups for product visuals. These images are for concept and vibe — the final product may differ slightly in color, detail, or placement.
Why don’t you have any product reviews?
We recognize the importance of product reviews. We're a new brand, and we’re just getting started. That means a lot of our products haven’t had the chance to collect reviews yet — but they’re real, they’re shipping, and people are starting to notice.
Every order helps us grow, improve, and refine what we do. So if you're one of the first to try something, your feedback will genuinely help shape this strange little experiment into something even better.
We’re not trying to be perfect. We’re trying to be real — and a little different.
Thanks for being early. It means more than you think.
Who is this for?
People with 17 tabs open, 15 unread messages, 3 uncried griefs, and no remaining trust in “calendar invites.”
Why start this now?
Because everything else already pivoted to AI, and we couldn’t handle another wellness brand.
Are you VC-funded?
We’re spiritually pre-seed.
(Emotionally Series Z.)
What problem are you solving?
Having to pretend you’re fine in a system designed to extract you.
What’s your revenue model?
Ritualized sarcasm + mildly overpriced objects + existential merch panic.
We call it Grief-as-a-Service (GaaS™).
Do you have a roadmap?
Yes. It leads directly into the woods.
Is this a cult?
Not officially. But we do have rituals, cryptic symbols, and a sacred hoodie. So… check back.
What stage is your startup in?
Somewhere between "launch party" and "founder burnout memoir."
Do your rituals work?
Define work.
Is there a user manual?
Yes. It's handwritten in emotional detritus and only available in PDF because the printer broke.
Can I invest?
Only if you can explain the difference between product-market fit and existential despair.
How can I support Unfitware?
Log out. Drop in. Reclaim. Then tell no one.